


Things We Didn't Notice

by faraandmera



Series: Disorderly (This is not a pun everyone is just a mess) [1]
Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: (Because this is rvb), AI church and carolina being siblings, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Dissociative Identity Disorder, F/M, Gen, M/M, Siblings, Swearing, both pre and post relationship on the last pairing, ct and south make appearances but theyre short, is it a healthy coping mechanism? debatable, joking about the things that are wrong with you and your friends is ok, like we deserve, mentioned brain damage, the director is mentioned but hes not in the story, the other ai are mentioned, the yorklina is mostly implied but its THERE.
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-09
Updated: 2020-09-09
Packaged: 2021-03-06 14:15:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,151
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26370247
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/faraandmera/pseuds/faraandmera
Summary: It had only been six years, but it felt like a lifetime had passed. From the kid who’d told her they should use the Greek alphabet- discovered through one of their fathers books- to secretly communicate, to the adult who’s career she doesn't even know about. Let alone anything about him as a person.It’s strange, because she knows his favourite foods- despite how inconsistent they are- but she doesn’t know his friends, his job, if he knows how to cook or not.(Carolina realizes, all at once, that she can't keep living where she is. So she moves in with her brother, until she can get a place of her own. It makes her realize how far apart they'd grown.)
Relationships: Agent Carolina & AI Program Epsilon | Leonard Church, Agent Carolina & Leonard L. Church, Agent Carolina & Leonard L. Church | AI Program Alpha, Agent Carolina/Agent York (Red vs. Blue), Leonard L. Church/Agent Washington
Series: Disorderly (This is not a pun everyone is just a mess) [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1916335
Comments: 8
Kudos: 35





	Things We Didn't Notice

**Author's Note:**

> here's the REAL very specific rvb au. i lied about the other one bc it was more likely to be read.  
> anyway i kind of merged alpha and epsilon for reasons. (and by kind of i mean thats a thing...)

When Carolina is 24 a realization sets in. It had been coming for a long time. Something Carolina ignored, for years on end. From her short military service, and the lack of reaction. From her short lived MMA career, and the fact her father never saw any of her matches. From her new security job, and the dawning realization that he doesn’t even know she’s changed jobs again. Carolina has been chasing a shadow that has long since disappeared, and the realization has been setting in for years.

But it feel sudden.

It feels sudden, like a switch is flipped. One second shes walking through the hall of the home she shares with her father, and the next she thinks, _“I can’t live here anymore.”_ At once she’s seized with pain in her chest, aching, at the realization of how _unhappy_ she is, here. How much she wishes she was _anywhere else._

So Carolina stumbles into her room, grabs her phone, and stares at it for too many seconds. And then she finds her long-unused contact for her brother. They haven’t spoken, really, since she was eighteen. When he moved out, handed her his new phone number, and she never spoke to him after. She’d told him things, sure, but in the bland, to the point way that left no room for conversation. Despite this, he’d shown up to her matches. He’d sent her congratulations when she got a new job. 

“Carolina?” He sounds like he’d just woken up, despite it being midday. For a moment, Carolina considers apologizing, but shakes the thought away.

“I-” She realizes she hadn’t thought this conversation through. “Hey.”

“Hi? Are you…okay?”

“I’m fine.” But she isn’t. She shakes her head, though he can’t see her- or maybe because he can’t. “I can’t live here anymore.”

“Oh.” A pause, silence dragging on. He could easily tell her that isn’t his problem. That he has no room for her. That he doesn’t care. Instead, after a too-long silence, he says, “I can clear out my extra room, but it’ll take a few days.”

“Okay,” Carolina says, relief releasing all her tension. “I- I’ll find a place to stay after, I just..that’ll take a while.”

“I know, it’s fine.”

“Thank you, Leonard.”

“Don’t call me that. That’s _dads_ name.” He says, “dad,” like he hates the word. Or hates him. Carolina doesn’t blame him, nor does she fully understand. Because she can’t bring herself to hate him, but then…she doesn’t feel like he’s really _there_ anymore, either.

“What do you have people call you, then?”

“Church.”

“Hm.” Carolina can’t help the small laugh that escapes her. “So I should call you by my own name?”

“You can call me _anything_ other than that.”

“Okay, Church,” Carolina says, simply. Church sighs, in a way that sounds more _fond_ than _annoyed._ “Thank you.”

“Yeah, yeah, sure. I’ll give you my address when I’ve got the room emptied.”

“Do you not want help?”

“No I’ve got it.”

“Okay.”

Here’s the thing: they didn’t really have a debate about letting Carolina stay with them. It was an easy enough situation to decide on. Sure some of them had concerns, but in the end they couldn’t just leave her _there._ It’s temporary, anyway. So they all agreed surprisingly easily, and those who didn’t were willing to deal with it.

The bigger problem was the debate about whether to explain their situation to her. They hadn’t had an explanation, themselves, until after they’d lost contact. And while their situation had existed before then, Church hadn’t _known_ about it until he was 19, and then hadn’t had a solid answer for what _"_ _it"_ was until he was 23, and years out of contact with Carolina.

That’s the debate happening, as he moves thing from their spare room into either the living room or their bedroom. Delta and Omega- of all people- were on the side of telling her. Delta because it would be more difficult to hide, now, without changing a lot about their current lifestyle. It was likely she’d notice something, though unlikely she’d figure out what caused the difference in behavior. They’re plenty good at playing the part of _Church_ , when he’s not around, but that’s where Omega’s argument comes in. They shouldn’t _have to_. In their own home, that they pay for with their own money? They should be able to be themselves. They shouldn’t have to hide that.

Eta’s on the other side. Worry being the only real argument. _What if’s_ repeated. Iota is generally on Eta’s side, so it’s no surprise there. Sigma argues it’s easier _not to_ , than it is to tell her. Why take the risk, if they don’t _have to._

Church, himself, agrees with Delta and Omega- as much as it annoys him to- on this one.

Theta is the only one to argue the point they’ve been ignoring. He might be a child, but he’s likely the most emotionally aware of any of them, and his argument is simple. Carolina wouldn’t hurt them. If she doesn’t understand, she’ll still accept it. Even though they aren’t close now, she’d never been judgmental in that way. And she had only grown less so as time went on. They might not know her as well now, but she couldn’t have changed that much, right?

Church can’t really _hear_ the debate going on, but Eta is present enough that he can feel when Eta relents. Iota will likely go with him, so it’s only Sigma. (Or he assumes. His communication with Gamma in basically nonexistent, but Gamma doesn’t tend to care who they decide to tell or not. Just does his job of keeping the act up if they don’t.)

A few days later, when they’ve cleared the room out of everything except the dresser and bed, their decision is officially made. They’ll tell her. Church mentally prepares himself for disputing any misconceptions she has about systems. (Vaguely wonders if she’d even know that term, but figures that’s a simple enough one to explain.)

Carolina recruits two of her coworkers- read: friends- to help her out moving her things. She started boxing things up the day she decided to move out, and piles them into her car the second Church sends his address and a, “I’ll be there at like 3, if you want to move in then.”

Most of her coworkers are still working when 3 comes around, but she manages to catch Wash before he can walk out of the staff room to leave, and York had agreed to help days earlier, when she told him her plan. Connie was _going_ to help, too, but her schedule doesn’t allow for it. Everyone else she already figured would be too busy, so she didn’t bother asking them.

“Are you _sure_ this is it?” Wash asks, when she pulls up to the apartment building her brother lives in.

“Yes I’m sure.” Carolina rolls her eyes. He’d been asking that since he’d seen the address, but refused to give a straight answer as to why. York had been trying to press for an answer, the entire ride, and Carolina was starting not to care why, the longer Wash refused to give an answer. “Let’s grab things before we go up.”

“Don’t want to make sure, first?” York asks, voice entirely lacking any seriousness.

“No.” Carolina sighs, pushing the driver-seat door open. The others follow, and after each grabbing a box, make their way into the lobby. She shifts the box against a wall, next to the call buttons, searching for 603’s button. It only takes a second for there to be a dinging sound, and the _accepted_ notice to light up, telling her they were allowed on the elevator. “Someone call the elevator.”

“On in,” Wash says, only to stumble into pressing the button with the box he’s holding.

“Why-” Carolina sighs- “whatever works, I guess.”

“Be nice, ‘Lina, he’s got brain damage.”

“I’ll give _you_ brain damage,” Wash says, with no real force. “And I’ll have you know I’ve _always_ been like this.”

“Clumsy?”

“I set myself up for failure with that statement, didn’t I?”

“Yes.”

“Can we focus?” Carolina motions to the elevator, as it opens for them.

“I can multitask," York says, grinning.

“Gotta make up for your lack of depth perception somehow, huh?”

“Did we have to bring the kid?” York asks, ignoring the indignant noise from Wash.

“York,” Carolina starts, “Wash is older than me.”

“Are you telling me he _isn’t_ twelve?”

“No I am. Carolina is eleven.”

“You didn’t know?” Carolina glances at York, who glares back.

“Don’t go along with that.”

“Okay, okay. Let’s focus.” As if on cue, they reach the sixth floor.

“You’re _really_ sure this is it?” Wash asks, yet again. Carolina sighs, and York kicks at Wash’s legs.

“He literally let us up. Who would do that if we were at the wrong building?”

“I- right, fine.”

The door is already open, when they reach it. Church is standing next to it, and looks up when Carolina and the other two approach.

“Hey,” Church greets, simply. He steps away from the wall, offering without words to take the box from Carolina, though she’s _pretty sure_ she’s stronger than he is, so she holds onto it.

“Hey. Where am I staying?”

“Down the hall.”

Church steps into the apartment, motioning to the right. On the left, there’s a open space that accounts for half of the apartment. A living-area, taken up by couches, a TV, and a desk that looks oddly placed, stacked with a lot of different things. Then a kitchen, further to the left, only divided from the rest by the counters and cabinets on the closer side of it. And the right, where Church leads her, are three doors. The last of which is open, and the one he leads her into. It’s fairly small- not that she expected it to be anything else- with a bed shoved against one wall, and a dresser next to it. It’s otherwise empty.

“If you have too much stuff it can go in the living room.”

“Okay. Thank you.” Carolina sets her box next to the end of the bed. “By the way, these are my coworkers-”

“Hear that, we’ve been demoted,” York stage-whispers at Wash.

“-And _that_ would be _why_ they’re my coworkers, and not friends.”

“Understandable,” Church says, oddly. Carolina wonders if it’s just been too long, since they’ve spoken, and that she’s no longer used to him.

“I’m York.” York sets his box down, next to Carolina’s, before holding out a hand for Church to shake. Wash stands next to the other boxes, holding his own still. Carolina turns to him, frowning.

“You going to put that down?”

“Oh- uh- yeah.” Finally, he puts it down. Carolina puts a hand on one of his shoulders.

“And this is Wash.”

“We’ve met,” Church says. Carolina glances between them, but can’t come to any conclusions. “Hey.”

“Hi.”

“Is that why you kept asking me if I was sure this was the right place?” Carolina asks. Wash nods.

“Wait- _wait_ \- how do you know each other? This isn’t your-”

“We have a mutual acquaintance,” Church says, before York can finish his question. “Anyway, do you have more stuff?”

“Oh yeah, just a couple of boxes.” Carolina nods. “Me and York can handle them.”

“Why us-”

“Come on.” Carolina grabs York’s arm, dragging him back down the hall.

“What was that about?”

“I have no idea,” Carolina says. “I haven’t spoken to Church in years.”

“You call your brother _Church?_ ”

“It’s what he prefers.”

“Alright.”

Delta was wholly unprepared to deal with the moving-Carolina-in process, and less so prepared for dealing with more than just Carolina, despite that being something he could have expected. Church certainly had, which was why he started freaking out twenty minutes before Carolina arrived. Why Delta had ended up fronting. He’s no Gamma, when it comes to playing the part, but he can do it. And he can reason his way through the situation, until he’s no longer needed.

It’s unlikely Carolina’s friends will stay, once she’s moved all her things in. They aren’t likely to know Church well enough to notice if he’s not a perfect intimidation. The right body, the right expressions, and the right tone of voice is generally enough.

Delta was unprepared to _know_ any of Carolina’s companions. Let alone for it to be Wash, who he hasn’t seen since before Epsilon integrated with old-Church.

Carolina drags her other friend- York- off to get the last of her things, leaving Delta with Wash.

“Hey, Delta.”

“You noticed?”

 _“Understandable,”_ Wash says, repeating Delta’s own word choice to him. “It was either you or Sigma and Sigma is- uh- well he’s Sigma.”

“Rude, you mean.”

“Subtly rude, yeah.”

“I wasn’t aware you worked with Carolina.”

“I wasn’t aware Church was her brother.”

“They have the same surname.”

“So do _tons_ of people. They don’t look alike.”

“If you say so. Are you certain you don’t have face-blindness?”

“No.”

“ _No_ as in you do not have face-blindness, or _no_ as in you aren’t certain?”

Wash pauses, considering. Tilts his head from one side to the other, before responding. “I’m pretty sure I don’t. Maybe a tiny hint of it.”

“Is that something you can have a hint of?”

“Being able to recognize faces is a scale, I think.”

“I see.” The sound of footsteps reach them, noting Carolina and York’s return. “They’re back.”

“Yeah, I noticed.”

“Final boxes!” York says, as they enter the room.

“I thought you’d have more,” Delta says, as the final boxes are added to the place next to the bed.

“I only bothered with the important things.” Carolina shrugs, then rolls her shoulders. “I don’t need every tiny thing I had. They can be replaced.”

“That makes sense.” Delta nods. Notes Wash’s frown, and then shifts his weight. “You could probably go back for it later, anyway, right?”

“Yeah, probably.” Carolina nods. “Hey I’m gonna…take these two home. You can give me ground-rules when I get back?”

“There aren’t many. But ye-ah, sure.” _Yeah,_ was the more-used word in comparison to _yes_ , but Delta doesn’t usually worry about such small details. Most people wont notice. Most people wont, but one person who would is in the room.

“Nice to meet you, Church,” York says, as he leaves. Delta gives a echo of the words in response.

“See you,” Wash says, though it comes out stilted.

“Bye.”

Carolina remembers being younger, years after their mother passed, and being disappointed every time a birthday passed without any comment from their father. He’d give them things- usually just whatever was popular, at the time, and then money as they got older- but it was a dismissive thing. A, _that’s done now,_ kind of action. She also remembers her brother learning how to bake a very simple cake when he was thirteen for her eleventh birthday.

Carolina remembers never knowing how to predict her brothers actions, and how much more aware of that she became as they got older. Yet she perfectly predicted when he turned 20 and left to move out on his own. He’d given her his new number- one their father didn’t have- and taken almost nothing with him. Gone back to college after a year long break, on a partial scholarship and partial money from their father, who hadn’t cared what he did as long as he went.

Sometimes, over the years between then and now, she wondered how well she actually knew her brother. She hadn’t known he no longer liked his name- and it was obvious, in retrospect- she didn’t know where he’d lived, until he’d given her the address. She didn’t know they had a mutual- well she wasn’t sure if they were _friends_ , but acquainted at least- or even that he lived in the same city as her.

It had only been six years, but it felt like a lifetime had passed. From the kid who’d told her they should use the Greek alphabet- discovered through one of their fathers books- to secretly communicate, to the adult who’s career she doesn't even know about. Let alone anything about him as a person.

It’s strange, because she knows his favourite foods- despite how inconsistent they are- but she doesn’t know his friends, his job, if he knows how to cook or not.

Carolina had been singularly focused on an unobtainable goal. Had been desperately chasing what amounted to the shadow of a person’s affection. Sometimes she’d felt childish, and that only drove her further. Because if she could just get genuine approval, then it would mean it was possible. That there was still _someone there_. She hadn’t noticed how far away the one family member she actually had- not the one sitting there already dead, in a way- had slipped until she realized how unhappy she was.

Its a relief to be away from her father. She had thought it wouldn’t change anything, yet there’s a weight that’s lifting. She’d felt sick the first night, but she woke in a new place, calmer than she’d been in years.

But it’s also made her realize all the things she hadn’t noticed about herself. About their family. So she gets up early, that day. Much earlier than she needs to. Gets up and makes the one food Church never swapped opinions on, before he’s up.

“What’s this?” Church asks, yawning as he walks into the living room. Carolina has never been a great cook- last she knew, neither of them were- but she can do simple things. Simple breakfast foods.

“Breakfast.”

“Mhm.” Church looks over to where she’s doing the last of her cooking: eggs. “Why?”

“Felt like it,” She says, shrugging.

“Well I’m not gonna argue with that.” Church drags two of the three stools lined up against the far wall to the counter that divides the living room and kitchen, and sits down. He leans his arms on the counter, as Carolina divides the eggs up between two plates. “You have work later?”

“In a few hours.”

“You’re up early.”

“Yeah.” Carolina passes one of the plates to him.

“You find your way around the kitchen without breaking anything?”

“ _One_ glass, one time, and you’ll never let it go.”

“It was an impressive way to break a glass, though.” Carolina shakes her head. She was twelve, firstly, and just because she’d fumbled it approximately 18 times before dropping the glass, didn't make it _that_ bad. As if Church wasn’t _way_ more destructive when they were younger.

“Don’t be a jerk.”

“Aw, but that’s my entire character.”

“No you’re _also_ a loser.”

“Rude. Not all of us can be professional MMA fighters.”

“Barely professional,” Carolina says, dismissive. She sits on the other stool, and realizes how easily they’d fallen into conversation. Was she worried for nothing?

“Sure. If you say so.” Church pauses, frowns down at his plate, and then sighs. All at once that, _maybe I was worried for nothing,_ thought shatters. “Can I talk to you, Carolina?”

“Of course,” she says, without hesitation.

“Okay. Yeah, alright, so- well- I’m- Jesus I should have planned this.”

“Church?”

“Yeah- um…do you know what Dissociative Identity Disorder is?”

“Not- not really?”

“Great- okay- well lets start there.”

“Church.”

“Yeah?”

“Why are you bringing this up?”

“Because I…have it?”

“Okay.” Carolina nods. She doesn’t know much about it- or anything, really- but if that’s what this conversation is about- well she doesn’t know, but it’s a relief. He still trusts her enough to tell her something that’s obviously important to his life, even after all this time. “So…what is it?”

“Right- yeah. It’s a dissociative disorder.”

“Right…”

“Basically when you’re really little your personality hasn’t fully integrated. And- uh-” Church shakes his head, muttering something like, _“I should asked Delta to do this,”_ before clearing his throat and continuing. “There are things that can cause that to never happen fully. Like- okay well not _like_ but exactly- trauma. Specifically repeated trauma. We aren’t talking about _that_ part but basically the brain, brilliant thing that it is, learns that, “hey the best way to protect you- me-” _whatever_ term you want to use for the brain referring to the person it belongs to- “is to separate these things from one another.” So what I’m saying is that’s what happened.”

“That’s- um- a lot.”

“I can point you to some things that explain it better. I’m not good at it.”

“Okay.” Carolina nods. But she still doesn’t quite know what that _means._ “So the personality doesn’t full integrate, and that causes…”

“Right I didn’t make it very clear. Okay in short: I share…this body?”

“You have-” Carolina takes a moment to process what he’s just said. “You have multiple personalities?”

“That is not how- not the way I’d say it, _but_.”

“You said there were things you could point me to, to understand?”

“Yeah.” Church nods. It takes a second before he seems to realize what she was asking. “Oh yeah I’ll send those to you.”

“So these- uh-”

“Alters.”

“Alters. Have I met any of them?”

“Oh yeah plenty of them. Yesterday Delta was the one fronting when you got here.”

“I see.” Carolina nods, again. Then it hits her. All the things about her brother when they were younger that she had thought was him being _inconsistent_ might have a different explanation. People change opinions on things over time, but changing food preference from one day to the next, or saying he liked something one day, and calling it childish the next. They start to settle into place. Any of these on their own weren’t of note, people were like that. She’d changed opinions on things before. She'd called something she’d liked childish when someone brought it up, out of worry or shame.

But for Church, could it have been something else? Someone else? She doesn’t know how to ask, so she figures it’s a question that can wait.

“So you uh…good?” Church asks, when she’s silent too long.

“Me? You’re the one who just told me something that obviously was difficult for you.”

“Explaining is more difficult than the _telling you_ part.”

Warmth swells in Carolina’s chest. He still trusts her, genuinely, doesn’t he? “Okay. Well, I’m just glad you felt like you could tell me.”

“Yeah of course, ‘Lina.” Then he shrugs. “Okay to be perfectly honest not _everyone_ was sure about it, but I was on the, “tell Carolina,” side the whole time.”

Carolina can’t help the laugh that escapes her at that. “It would be okay if you weren’t.”

“But I was.”

“Thank you.”

“Mhm.” Church nods. “Thanks for…wanting to understand.”

“Of course. You’re my _brother._ ”

“Aw you love me.”

“My dear, nerd brother.”

“Ouch, you wound me.” Church laughs.

_That went well_ , Church thinks. He ignores Delta’s muttering of disagreement about how well it went- all related to the fact he’d really fumbled the explanation up- and focuses on the positives. He’d done it. Carolina wanted to learn more, and that would make up for his explanation being poor, and it was _done_ at least. She knows now, so they don’t have to worry about if she’ll find out or not. And the others don’t have to hide.

“Can I ask you something?” Carolina asks, drawing Church out his thoughts. Right: the conversation is still happening. His relief was really getting to his focus.

“Yeah, of course.”

“How _is_ it that you know Wash?”

“Oh.” Not where he thought that was going. Honestly he would have preferred it wasn’t, since that one is…complicated. Or maybe it wasn’t? He could say something simple, it wasn’t like the details would change anything as far as what she was asking. “We dated?”

Carolina chokes, coughing. Church has a moment of panic, before she clears her throat. “Oh.”

“Was it _that_ surprising?”

“I didn’t know you were…gay?”

“Bi.”

“Bi,” she corrects. “Must run in the family.”

“What?!” Church’s voice raises an octave. (Or 4.)

“Oh yeah. Me too?”

“Oh. Nice.”

“Nice,” She repeats, with a raised eyebrow and incredulous tone.

“Yeah: nice.”

“Okay.” Carolina looks away for a moment, an expression he recognizes as her debating something. “Are you guys on good terms?”

Oh, Church realizes, she wants to know if he’ll have a problem with them being friends. He doesn’t know how to tell her exactly _what_ happened, so instead he says, “yeah.”

Because it’s easier than, _“I broke up with him because one of us- who is gone and also kind of me now- was putting unhealthy expectations how how much of our negative emotions he should handle and he wasn’t going to stop it himself.”_ Not exactly easy to explain even if she _did_ fully understand his situation already. Besides the question she’s really asking is, _“is my friendship a problem,”_ and the answer to that is _no._

“That’s good.”

“Yeah.”

Carolina takes the resources Church gives her, and then goes scouring the internet for more resources about it, specifically curated by people with it. Absorbs as much information as she possibly can. It makes her wonder how much she missed, as a child. As a teenager. She knows she’s missed most _everything_ as an adult, but she at least wasn’t right at his side as an adult. She was at his side as a child, as a teenager, yet she never knew. Never saw. Maybe that’s because she couldn’t have, but it makes her think.

Yet he still trusted her enough to tell her. Carolina wants to think that says something.

“Does Carolina seem different?” Connie asks, as she gets ready for her shift, in the staff room. South shrugs, dismissively. York shrugs less dismissively.

“She _did_ just move.”

“Doesn’t usually change _that much._ ” Connie hums, seeming to consider her next words carefully. “She seems happier.”

“Well- yeah,” York says. “That’s a good thing.”

“Didn’t say it wasn’t. Just wonder why.”

“You could ask her.”

“When does Carolina tell us _anything_ about her personal life,” South points out. York shrugs.

“She tells me plenty.”

“You don’t count. Aren’t you two dating?”

“Wh- no. That’s entirely unprofessional.”

“They’re definitely dating,” Wash adds, his first contribution to the conversation.

“We are not!”

“Sure, keep telling us that. Wont make it true.”

“I liked you better when you were angsting about your breakup.”

“I never did that!” Wash’s voice raises in pitch, and South laughs at him.

“You were,” she says. Wash gasps, partially mocking offense.

“Connie I wasn’t angsting, right? I’m not a teenager.”

“You kind of were,” Connie says, patting him on the shoulder.

“I hate all of you.”

“You just can’t face the truth,” York says, simply. Wash tries to kick him without moving closer to him, but he’s just out of reach. Still: mission accomplished. As the four of them pile out of the room and off to work, York grabs him by the door.

“Thanks.”

“For calling you out for dating Carolina?”

“No you- helping me change the subject. Carolina wouldn’t like it if she knew we were speculating on her personal life.”

“Hey she’s my friend too.”

“Still.”

“Yeah, yeah. You’ve got it.” Wash rolls his eyes. But it _had_ been what he was thinking, anyway.

“By the way: were you dating her brother?”

“Uh-” _kind of,_ he wants to say, but York wouldn’t let that go without explanation. And it wasn’t his place to give that explanation. “Yeah.” A safer answer, that he wouldn’t think anything of, since he doesn’t know.

“Oh man. Lucky you got out of that before she found out, and gave you the shovel talk.”

“You assume she wont find out now and try to kill me now.”

“Good point. I’ll attend your funeral.”

“Thanks, York, you’re a _great friend.”_ Wash roll his eyes, and leaves the room. He doubts that’ll be a problem, though. If Carolina finds out at all, surely she wont just assume Wash had done something terrible. They were good enough friends to avoid that, right? Wash chooses to assume so.

Carolina’s realization about her life before- that it wasn’t making her happy- had been sudden. Like a switch being flipped. Escaping that situation had been a relief, and for the first week she spends living with Church, she feels generally better.

And then the fact that she’s actually _free_ of the weight that had been sitting on her shoulders hits. And instead of feeling _good,_ she feels off balance. Sick to her stomach, and like she’s one step away from a total breakdown. She just can’t…understand why.

Collapsing in her room, Carolina finds herself exhausted. Unable to make herself stand. To eat or properly get ready to sleep or _anything._ It’s only midday but she feels like she’s been awake for ages.

“Carolina?” Church calls, from her doorway. She looks up, and realizes how _dark_ it is suddenly. Had so much time passed without her notice? “You okay?”

“I- yes.”

 _“C.”_ Church’s tone betrays his worry. Disbelief at her words. Carolina forces herself to sit up, and feels dizzy at just that. Her hands shakes but she can’t figure out why.

“I don’t know.”

Church sits beside her, a moment later. Carolina stares at her shaking hands. “What happened?”

“Nothing.”

“Then?”

“I just- I don’t know. I’m…happier. Why am I…” Carolina shakes her head. “Freaking out?”

The weight of Church’s eyes makes her even more reluctant to look away from her hands. She shouldn’t be doing this, she tells herself. She should feel better, she thinks. She’s _stronger_ than this, she tells herself.

None of that makes her hands stop shaking.

“Sometimes,” Church says, voice uncharacteristically calm. (Or it’s one of the others speaking. She doesn’t know them, or their names, yet.) “When you escape a situation where you’re tense all the time, you only process what you should have felt at that time when you’re away from it. When you’re _safe_ , so you feel worse before better.”

“I’ve been here for a week.”

“Yeah, but did you really _process_ that you were here, before now?”

No, she realizes. She hadn’t. Carolina had been happier, but she hadn’t really felt the difference until now. Until that second switch flipped. And here she was.

“It’s okay,” Church says, when Carolina doesn’t respond. “You’ll be okay.”

“Thank you.”

And for the moment Carolina thinks, despite how bad she feels at the moment, it’ll be okay.

“Hey, Church?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m sorry I didn’t…talk to you.” She doesn’t need to explain when. The six year gap too much to ignore. The fact he's so understanding of this feeling makes her think, _was this what it was like for him, too?_ Was she not there, when he was dealing with it?

“It’s okay. Plenty of time now.”

Right. They have plenty of time.

**Author's Note:**

> disclaimer: I don't have DID, so i tried to avoid making any part of the story *About* it. it affects the story/characters but it isn't like what the story is about. it's just important so it can't be avoided. (Also Church having DID is the most canon-accurate way for the fragments to exist in a modern au, so.)  
> However if I got anything really wrong, please correct me so I can do better.  
> also important thing: i'm never going to talk specifics about the trauma in this series. i don't think it's necessary.
> 
> oh and i never said what Church does but he's a programmer


End file.
